Dating, group dating and kissing dating goodbye. Confused? Sorting through all the opinions might make you want to stay single forever. Should you date? Why or why not?
To Date...
Jeramy Clark, author of "I Gave Fating a Chance," believes Christian teens can still be in the dating loop. Dating that avoids heavy physical contact with well-defined boundaries can be a great way for students to develop relationship skills, have fun and get to know each other.
Chris, 16, said, "I've been dating the same person for six months. We decided to set boundaries for our physical relationship right at the start." Both Chris and his girlfriend agreed to spend a large portion of their "together time" in a church environment and are firmly committed to save sex for marriage.
If you've decided to date, setting physical and emotional boundaries in the right idea.
The Can-I-Dates?
Date someone who shares your values. Myra, 17, said, "It's not healthy for believers to date unbelievers. How can you talk about important spiritual things with someone who doesn't share you beliefs?"
Think you can win your boyfriend or girlfriend to Christ? Think again.
"Missionary dating" usually ends up weekending your commitment to Christ. It's normal to want to stay strong but end up compromising. Why test yourself? Second Corinthians 6:14 says, "Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong?" (The Message). Crystal, 19, said, "Missionary dating" is risky because it's so easy to lower standards. A person will not become a believer by dating someone who is committed to Christ. Only the Holy Spirit can bring someone to Jesus."
Physical attraction is normal, but keep it in balance. The hormones ate tagging, but control is doable. Dating decisions should certainly involve more than long legs and strong muscles. Think of characteristics that you want in you future spouse. Is she or he creative "a good conversationalist" a basketball fanatic? Look for someone who shares your faith and values, as well as interests and goals.
The Time
Michael, 13, says, "I don't date now. I think it will be more exiting and meaningful to date when I'm older (at least 16.) If dating is your choice, when should you start? Ask a Christian adult whom you trust. If your advisor thinks you need to wait, listen. Dating in secret is disobedience. Read Ephesians 6:1-2. There's no rush. Take advantage of being unattached. Develop your creativity, your compassion, and your relationship with different family members. Being a better you takes lots of energy and attention to God.
The Place
Always choose a public place where the environment encourages conversation. Opt for group dating, which eases tension and nervousness. Emphasize getting to know date or teaming up to do good for others.
The Goal
What is your dating goal? How do you expect to feel about yourself and your date when you're recalling all the details? Aja, 10, said, "Make sure you're content with yourself before you get involved. Dating will not bring contentment."
Dating should never be the center of your life. If you start neglecting other friendships, skipping activities you'd enjoy, or nixing your time for God, take a break from dating to refocus your energies.
Or Not to Date...
After going through some painful dating experiences, Joshua Harris, author of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," realized the best option for him was not dating. "As Christians, we're too often guilty of making do with the world's model for relationships and missing God's best. People want "the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy commitment," Harris writes.
More and more Christians are choosing to kiss dating goodbye in favor of courtship. Courtship means you concentrate your affections on one person with intentions of marriage. Courtship usually includes input from family or those who know you well. Crystal says, "Courtship is not the time to stir up passionate emotions, but the time to use pure motives to find out whether two people are brought together by God."
While dating may be casual or serious between friends or strangers, courting is for people who know each other well and are seriously considering marriage. Harris says if you aren't ready to consider marriage, avoid dating. Become a better friend and keep your focus on God's plan for your life.
Patrick, 17, said, "When you're in relationship, you want to spend all your time with that person. I've chosen not to date because it takes away from my time with God and how He can use me."
Maybe courtship sounds like a big relief to you “ no dating worries, no broken hearts and plenty of time to pursue God's opportunities for a better you.
"The only person I want to date is the man I'm going to marry," Alicia, 16, said. "Every time you date, you give away part of your heart. I want my husband to have my whole heart, not just what's left." Alicia will recognize her husband by the deep friendship whey will develop over time.
Alana, 18, agrees. "I choose not to date until I found the right person for me. People would ask me out, and I'd say no. Why date someone I wouldn't marry?"
Dating "just because" is a big risk for hurting yourself and others. Courtship may not be a good option for you, either. The Great Date Debate deserves some thought. How about Friday night over pizza?
